How to be a Better Mom?

Use your strengths to be a better parent

As I write this blog in my office, my son is nearby, finding screen-free ways to entertain himself. It's a balancing act between the guilt of not joining him and the drive to pursue my dreams by building this business.

As a working parent, I’ve had the same regrets and thoughts you’ve likely had (if you’re a parent). Should I quit my job and stay home (this was especially true during the pandemic.)

Am I working too much? Will I miss out on this time with my child? I love my career and get a lot of fulfillment from it. Would I even be a good stay-at-home mom?

I sometimes think I don’t have the patience for it. How do I maximize my time with him and be present? What am I doing or saying that could be detrimental in the future? What could I do or say more to build him up? These are a fraction of the worries that go through my mind as I think about being a “good” mom.

One of my strengths is Learner. I’m curious and always reading some parenting book to get better or offer my son something else that might be supportive as we grow our relationship.

Some books have been better than others. Recently, I read one book where half the book told me to meditate, be calm, and never react to his reactions. Most of the parenting advice is great out there, but I’ve found this book to be lacking and I couldn’t finish it.

When our children have big emotions, we need to support them, AND as moms, parents, and caretakers, YOU are still a person with needs, reactions, and emotions when our children have big emotions.

As I used various pieces of parenting advice to support my child through difficult situations, I also thought about the parts that make me, me. When I used the language of strengths in my parenting, it was easier to shift my reactions.

Here’s what I’ve learned and what’s helped me:

My Top 5 CliftonStrengths are: Communication, Discipline, Individualization, Learner, Input

Discipline

When I’m stuck in a situation, it’s clear to me what’s driving my behavior and reactions. I can see what’s happening faster and why my emotions might be creeping up and getting in the way of supporting my child.

For me, discipline is the strength that often comes into play. I may have set up a structure or had a plan in my head.

And, well, with kids, plans rarely go according to plan. I’ve adapted over the years to say, “ok, the plan is changing. What is the new plan?”

Communication & Individualization

When we go into new situations, I think about my own strengths/ talents and what I might need to feel calm in the situation so that I can stay calm for my child. I can communicate those needs ahead of time and plan together with my child.

Communication is what I rely on. I’ve found ways to make sure my child understands the plan and it’s easy for me to communicate with him so that he understands.

Sometimes it’s a drawn schedule, sometimes he repeats the plan. In other situations, I prepare him that there may be a lot of adults, or that mom and dad need to talk with other adults. I use my Individualization strength to make sure we have time with each person we are meeting with but also figure out strategic ways for my son to be involved and entertained that are meaningful for him.

Learner & Input

I love to explore and learn. With learner and input strengths, I’m finding new ways to connect with my son weekly where we explore fun things to do in the area in which we live. Weekly experiences are what I value with my input strength because I get to “collect” these beautiful moments with my child.

All the advice exists about how to parent your kids while staying calm. That’s great AND, you’re still a person with reactions and feelings. Your talents inform your behavior. The better you understand your talents and strengths, the better you can understand your behavior and natural responses and move from stressful parenting situations to more joyful ones.

If you want to learn about your own strengths and how they make you a strong parent, I would love to help you.